Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
