so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
