We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
