my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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