me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
