Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
