I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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