Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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