there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ugly people sure do ruin things
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
