I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
