Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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