I will die if light touches me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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