i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
