So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Randomize
