I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
