So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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