you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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