My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
