i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
