My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
