One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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