I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
