We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
