My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
