Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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