it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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