So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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