the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
