just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
