I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize