is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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