i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sober January is a disaster.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I need moral support for this bender
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
