literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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