I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
