Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
