He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize