either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
