Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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