1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
areolas are like halos for boobs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
