Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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