All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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