Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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