remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
They took my balls.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
