I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i think im in europe. pls send help
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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