dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
