She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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