I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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