Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
