Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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