I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
