20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
