and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
they're like a gay fantastic four
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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