Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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