Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
how does that bad decision feel?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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