He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize