i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
