hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
