My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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