my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
