It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
