You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
