Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
