She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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