I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
