I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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