I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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