Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
