So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
