Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
