I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
handjob tips. give me some.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
