HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize