I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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