you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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