His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We left the knife in your bed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
