dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize