put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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