Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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