i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
