Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
