he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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