My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I touched a dick in church today
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
