I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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