Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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