What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
