I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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