hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize