there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
