my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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