I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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