I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
