Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
