The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
