Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
