I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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