I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
