I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
