I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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