her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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