We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
