spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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