She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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