i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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