did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
