So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
