you have to choose: penises or morals?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize