to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
