rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Randomize
