We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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