U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
