I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
