i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
