My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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